Memorandum on Guns in Schools

Ed Week has a great Memorandum here that supposes that Congress has passed a law requiring all teachers to be armed when teaching.   Some of the points:

“Liaison with the district’s risk-management contacts to guarantee indemnification of our staff in case a teacher kills a child or other staff member with an errant or accidental shot.

“Meet with the curriculum director to determine how we can release teachers during the school day to practice their marksmanship or complete their annual weapons-qualification requirement on school time. Find substitute teachers to cover their classes.”

And on and on.  My only worry is that some gun fanatics may not see that this Memorandum is a savage satire.

Oh, and don’t forget that all class-assigned reading will now be screened for friendliness to gun ownership.  Issues can be settled by shooting someone!   Sadly the older classics don’t have much in the way of gunfire, but we do have The Great Gatsby, a great example of how cleanly a gun can settle problems of adultery.   And we could do things like have a class write about how the presence of guns on the Lord of the Flies island could have changed things for the better.  Sticks are really not very dramatic.